he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
