just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
