naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
