apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
