Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
