thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
