Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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