I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
