I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
