fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
