Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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