the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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