we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
