I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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