The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
