Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
