Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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