White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
