i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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