wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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