This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
