my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
