I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
