i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Someone came in the potted fern
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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