i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is the high leading the old right now
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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