having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
