I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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