I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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