my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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