When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
