I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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