I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
