Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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