I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
