I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
