We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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