i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
