like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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