Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
