That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
