Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
