glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
