Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
