Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
