i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
