I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
