Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
