It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize