woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
