Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
