Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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