We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize