Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
another moral hangover. fuck.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
