Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
