I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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