I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
