i jhust puked up my retainher.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
