Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
send nudes
from the living room?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
