Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
