I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
