okay pat passed out under dana's car
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
