dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
