hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
