Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i will never coherently bang her
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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