Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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