I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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