So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
