I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
