I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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