If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
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