I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
