no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
