she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
