He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
