If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
