I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
