and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
