Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My breasts were aching with rage.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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