just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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