were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
