kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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