I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
