an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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