The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
