My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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