awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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