somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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