i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize