I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
