why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
