I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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